Gimmie that - your automobile Turn off that smokestack And that goddamn radio Hum... along with me... Hum along with the T.V.

The Will Danger family came into town and breezed out in under 20 hours. They had attended a wedding in Helena on Saturday. They arrived here Sunday afternoon and left late Monday morning. They drove out from their home in Seattle, and had to be back for work and school on Tuesday morning.

Here they are, pulling up to the house. They referred to the neighborhood as "Pleasantville." I have also heard it called "Truman Show" and "Tidytown."


Even though the visit was short, it was good. I converse regularly Will, and see him sporadically, but I had not spent extensive time with his family. India and I thoroughly enjoyed all of them, and I think they had a good time, too, even though we didn't do much besides hang out.

It was nice to have visitors who were so easygoing.

Where do I begin when describing this family? I think the path of least resistance dictates that I leave Will Danger himself for last, since I know him the best, and he is an entity that frequently defies description. At least he frequently produces odors that defy description, particularly after consumption of dark beer.

Emily Danger is Will's spouse and partner in all of their danger-defying activities, including raising three kids. Will and I have long agreed that Emily Danger and my wife, India, are branches on the same philosophical tree. (I also think Mrs. Bells may be a branch on this tree.) This was the first time that I had the opportunity to really get to know her, and I liked her very much. She is smart, and makes you feel instantly comfortable. I admire the way she and Will are as a couple, and I am very impressed by the way they are raising their kids.

This is Emily Danger. It looks like she is dancing, but she isn't. I just caught her unaware, digitally capturing her ebullient nature. (India thinks I may alienate you, dear readers, when I flaunt my inner nerd and get all snooty by busting out the 25¢ words. I disagree. But I will try to rein it in with a link when anything goes over 24¢.)


When we squired the adult Dangers for a quick tour of Bozeman and a latte, Amanda Danger, the eldest Danger child, babysat her brother and sister, and watched our animals. She is in the 8th grade, and is a rare breed of teenager. Unfailingly polite (all of the Danger children referred to India and I as "Mr. Joe" and "Miss India," and said their "pleases," "thank you's"), she handled the task without complaint. Her demeanor was unbelievable, given that she had just driven ten hours with mom (Gawd!), dad (like, no way), and her little brother and sister (*eye roll*), attended a family wedding, then driven a couple hours to visit with mom and dad's friends. That is veritable Chinese Water Torture for a teenager, but she was so pleasant that I feared she might be a replicant.


Later, she and I bonded over music and Office Space. She asked me how to remove Britney Spears from her i-Pod (scoring points), and whether I would burn her copies of Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana and the Strokes (huge points). I happily obliged.
Here is Amanda Danger:


(Instead of worrying about being too erudite, I think I should be more concerned with overdoing the parenthetical asides.)

The middle Danger child is Amy Danger. What a sweetheart. She is a thoughtful, quiet 7 year-old whose primary interests this weekend were hugging dogs, petting dogs, and snuggling with cats. She stole my heart. particularlyly enjoyed observing her at meals. She would rather sculpt her food than eat it. Kind of a mini-India, except that India doesn't sculpt her food (anymore). I understand she is a bit of an internet celebrity, having been interviewed and photographed during a visit to a museum, during which she stated that she was excited about becoming famous.

Here is Amy:


Here is Amy, doing her thing:





The youngest Danger child is probably the most Dangerous. So Dangerous, in fact, that he eschews the surname "Danger," much like the only guy in ZZ-Top without a beard, the drummer, bears the last name "Beard."

We call him Willie Mac. I had a hard time believing he was only four. He seemed much older, and showed good taste by choosing Empire Strikes Back when presented with a choice of the three original Star Wars movies.

This is Willie Mac:


Which brings us to Will Danger himself.



I am not really sure where to start... Perhaps a list of facts will serve to illustrate:
-I met Will through Leo, one of my oldest friends.

-Since I have known Will, he has lived in a sailboat in the San Francisco Bay, Anchorage, Alaska, San Diego, and now Gig Harbor.

-Will and Leo lived together in college and grad school in a house slated for demolition. They performed upkeep on the house in lieu of rent. They are engineers; they can't help it.

-Leo introduced Will to the pleasures of beer. Will hasn't looked back.

-Will, a fisherman, caught a bass and brought him to this house in a coffee can. He then, in stages, bought a kiddie pool, and outfitted it with an aerator, rocks, smaller fish, crayfish and other critters to create a habitat for the bass, which he named and kept as a pet...in the living room, between their two easy chairs. At the end of the semester, he set it free in a creek. Like I said, they are engineers; they can't help it.

-Will has joined us on several ski trips. A general lack of ability does not temper his enthusiasm one bit. Neither does a twenty year old pair of skis and a banana-yellow bodysuit, both of which he wears with pride. He generally seeks out the most difficult runs on the mountain and proceeds to throw himself down them. Usually facefirst, losing skis, sunglasses and his circa-1986 headband in the process. He has no desire to ski runs that he can actually handle, instead preferring to haunt places with names like "Devil's Crotch."

-Will consistently produces the foulest odors I have ever smelled. It is unnatural.

-Will once took a dump that could not be tamed. Leo, ever valiant, stepped in and joined the battle. Will wrote a short story about the battle. And that's all you really need to know about Will. I bet you can't wait to meet Leo.
(I have requested a copy of the story from Will, which, I assure you is far funnier than anything I have ever written here. If he sends it, I will post it.)

We had a good time hanging out and talking, covering such varied topics as human euthanasia (in favor), science fiction novels, being mauled to death by a grizzly (something I declared, "not a bad way to go," a sentiment that was met with incredulity by the others), dogs, real estate, engineers and friends. Among the four adults, a total of three alcoholic beverages were consumed, none by yours truly. Although, I was pretty hopped up on the cafe lattes, like my hero Cosmo Kramer. (Is this what mature adults do? I am new to the concept. It's been a rough learning curve for me, but at least I don't wake up with a headache.)

I wish they could have stayed longer.

Just for the hell of it, here are my kids:


Scooby got tired and had to rest her head: