The rage is relentless. We need a movement with a quickness.
You wanna know what is absolute bullshit?
I'm serious.
Absolute bullshit.
This has been eating at me since I was about 7 years old. That's 28 years for you non-math majors. 28 years of pent-up, stifled outrage at something that I have known since a tender age is absolute bullshit.
I'm sure you've read about the innate innocence and purity of a child.
Well, let me tell you, children also have VERY accurate bullshit detectors.
I've always known it was bullshit. It was bullshit then, and it's still bullshit today.
What is bullshit, you ask?
The Three Musketeers Bar.
What is it? A thin coating of chocolate over some nougat. Yeah, sure, chocolate is good. So is nougat. But, in this case, the whole falls pretty fucking far short of the sum of its parts.
You know what else has chocolate and nougat? Snickers. That's right, Snickers. And Snickers friggin rules. Who else? Milky Way. Milky Way rules, too. Not as much as Snickers, but it still rules. Baby Ruth. Sure, sure. But they all bring something else to the table...nuts, caramel, what-have-you. They bring some love.
Shit, you can even take something off the table and it's still better than Three Musketeers... nougat. That's right, get rid of the damn nougat. What do you have? A fucking delicious, plain old Hershey chocolate bar is what you have.
I haven't seen a nougat-only/no-choclate bar, but if it exists, I bet it's better than the bullshit Three Musketeers bar.
A few years back, Three Musketeer tried to sell you some more bullshit by saying it was "healthier" than its tasty competitors. Dude, we're talking candy bars. I don't want healthy in a candy bar. If I want healthy, I'll eat some damn broccoli. Quit half-assing it, Three Musketeers. Take your weak-ass bullshit, and get out.
So, with Halloween around the corner, avoid the bullshit and don't buy Three Musketeers. If it were three years ago, and I was still trick-or-treating, you bet your ass you'd be getting a trick if you threw a weak-ass Three Musketeers in my orange bucket. And, get the fun size, too, ya cheap bastard.
Screw all three of those mustachioed dandies and the horses they rode in on.
Three Musketeers is bullshit. I'm telling you.
I'm serious.
Absolute bullshit.
This has been eating at me since I was about 7 years old. That's 28 years for you non-math majors. 28 years of pent-up, stifled outrage at something that I have known since a tender age is absolute bullshit.
I'm sure you've read about the innate innocence and purity of a child.
Well, let me tell you, children also have VERY accurate bullshit detectors.
I've always known it was bullshit. It was bullshit then, and it's still bullshit today.
What is bullshit, you ask?
The Three Musketeers Bar.
What is it? A thin coating of chocolate over some nougat. Yeah, sure, chocolate is good. So is nougat. But, in this case, the whole falls pretty fucking far short of the sum of its parts.
You know what else has chocolate and nougat? Snickers. That's right, Snickers. And Snickers friggin rules. Who else? Milky Way. Milky Way rules, too. Not as much as Snickers, but it still rules. Baby Ruth. Sure, sure. But they all bring something else to the table...nuts, caramel, what-have-you. They bring some love.
Shit, you can even take something off the table and it's still better than Three Musketeers... nougat. That's right, get rid of the damn nougat. What do you have? A fucking delicious, plain old Hershey chocolate bar is what you have.
I haven't seen a nougat-only/no-choclate bar, but if it exists, I bet it's better than the bullshit Three Musketeers bar.
A few years back, Three Musketeer tried to sell you some more bullshit by saying it was "healthier" than its tasty competitors. Dude, we're talking candy bars. I don't want healthy in a candy bar. If I want healthy, I'll eat some damn broccoli. Quit half-assing it, Three Musketeers. Take your weak-ass bullshit, and get out.
So, with Halloween around the corner, avoid the bullshit and don't buy Three Musketeers. If it were three years ago, and I was still trick-or-treating, you bet your ass you'd be getting a trick if you threw a weak-ass Three Musketeers in my orange bucket. And, get the fun size, too, ya cheap bastard.
Screw all three of those mustachioed dandies and the horses they rode in on.
Three Musketeers is bullshit. I'm telling you.
posted by Joe at
2:11 PM
11 Comments:
Did you fall off the healthy wagon, sweetie, or is it just a craving? Not a big fan of the swishie swashbuckler bar myself -- maybe they're better frozen. Those damn A-Mazing bars or whatever the hell they're called? Crap! Butterfinger anyone?
Must be a slow day on the range...
no doubt. I, for one, enjoy an occasional frozen 3 Musketeers.
Dude, I enjoy your blog, so forgive my pickiness and take it for the good-natured ribbing it is. If you're gonnna rant about candy, rant true. 3 Musketeers is a Mars product, not a Hershey's product. Inside the Mars's coating is "fluffy chocolate" (whatever that is) and not nougat. Nougat is made of honey or sugar and crushed nuts. Baby Ruth, Snickers---it's all good---but apples to oranges, Dude.
I hear you, Shy Smiley, but see?
You gotta freeze a Three Musketeers or melt it and put it pudding or something to make it good.
Snickers? No jazzing up necessary. Tasty right off the tree, just as the good Lord intended.
Thanks for stopping in!
In Qtown IL, we grew up on mountain dew and 3 musketeers... how dare you bash it...
I'll trade you every Clark Bar, Butterfinger, Snickers and Baby Ruth in my halloween bag for your Three Musketeers bars. Hell, I'll even throw in the Zagnuts.
I will have to try a frozen Three Musketeers...because I never have liked the original.
How many of us are adults & still go trick or treating???
Seems the treat down this way, at some establishments, are deep-fried Milky Ways. I just looked at the dude when he told me....I am still trying to figure out how the hell it can be done.
Joe -
Michelle's birthday was on Monday and I bought her a 36 bar case of 3 Musketeer bars. It is her favorite candy bar. No where on the warpper does it say Nouget. It just says Big on Chocolate, not on fat.
-Kyle
Remember when the 3 Musketeers Bar didn't taste so crappy? It used to be made with eggs and real ingredients and it was BIGGER! They put high fructuse (what we should be callng FUCKTOSE) corn syrup in everything now, and it tastes DEAD.
Dear Musketeer company: PLEASE go back to the old way of what we grew up with. It must have been that good if I risked a beating from my parents by stealing one when I was 10 years old!!!
Thanks. Peace.
If it was shaped like a penis would you like it better? What happened to the original design wrapper and why does it now look like the 3 Stooges and not THE 3 MUSKETEERS.
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