Take your silver spoon and dig your grave
Fucking coffee maker.
We have been through three coffee makers in the last year.
The current one works fine, but just try to get a cup before it is done percolating.
I have seen teenage girls who are less temperamental. Sometimes, it does what it is supposed to: pull out the pot, the flow stops, put the pot back, the flow resumes.
About 70% of the time, however, it continues to spew out coffee, all over the heating element.
I know; I know... "Dude, why don't you just wait until it is done?"
BECAUSE WHEN I WANT MY COFFEE I WANT IT NOW, SO SHUT UP BEFORE I GO BUY A PISTOL AT WAL MART SO I CAN COME HOME AND PISTOL-WHIP YOU FOR A REASONABLE PRICE.
Besides, I have waited. Until it was done percolating, sitting there quietly, proudly full of steaming, black goodness.
I pull out the pot, and it whizzes out a stream of coffee all over the goddamn place, like a 70 year old man who thinks he is done peeing, puts it back in his pants only to piss out a map of Europe on the front of his khakis.
Mr. Coffee, are you taunting me?
I almost strangled you this morning with your own cord.
If only I didn't need you so badly.
I hate you.
I love you.
I hate you.
===
Hey, Chewbacca has a blog. Pretty damn funny.
===
I am glad to live in a place that still has winter, even if it is clinging by a thread. The snow in town is melting. Thank Allah that Big Sky is at elevation.
Even still, we're at 4000 feet in Bozeman, and it is nearly golfing weather. In the first week of freaking February.
===
I had a great talk with Chris K. yesterday. We used to work together many moons ago in LA. She is still a rock star.
It is great when you reconnect with someone after a number of years, and they are exactly the same.
I gots to get me back to SoCal for a visit.
It has been too long.
I haven't had a decent fish taco since I left, 10 1/2 years ago.
As soon as snowboarding season is over...
===
India and I started planning an excursion to Glacier National Park this summer. Seems early, but there are only a handful of reservations open for one particular place I want to stay.
India has never done a backcountry backpacking trip.
If you have never been there, Glacier National Park, in my humble opinion, is the single most beautiful place in the lower 48.
It'll knock your fuckin' socks off.
===
I am feelin' a little chippy today.
I think it is because I missed a big storm on Monday/Tuesday. A foot dropped up at Big Sky.
I will make up for it over the next few days.
Speaking of the whole "up at Big Sky" thing...
Now, for my whole life, using the term "up" referred to points North, and "down" referred to points South.
In Wisconsin, one went "up" to the UP, Minneapolis and Green Bay, and "down" to Chicago, Florida or Arizona. (One would also go "by" the store, instead of "in" or "to" the store, but we will just let that one lie for now.)
In Boston, we went "up" to Vermont and Montreal, and "down" to New York.
In LA, we went "up" to San Francisco and "down" to San Diego.
But here?
Big Sky is South of Bozeman, but everyone says they go "up" to Big Sky. Now, I understand, elevation-wise, we technically do go "up," about 3500 feet, to get there.
But it is South, and therefore "Down," in my book.
The other ski area, Bridger Bowl, is North of town, and people usually say they were "over" at Bridger, when they were really "up" at Bridger.
GOD DAMN IT, GET IT STRAIGHT OR I WILL PISS COFFEE ALL OVER YOUR HEATING ELEMENT!
We have been through three coffee makers in the last year.
The current one works fine, but just try to get a cup before it is done percolating.
I have seen teenage girls who are less temperamental. Sometimes, it does what it is supposed to: pull out the pot, the flow stops, put the pot back, the flow resumes.
About 70% of the time, however, it continues to spew out coffee, all over the heating element.
I know; I know... "Dude, why don't you just wait until it is done?"
BECAUSE WHEN I WANT MY COFFEE I WANT IT NOW, SO SHUT UP BEFORE I GO BUY A PISTOL AT WAL MART SO I CAN COME HOME AND PISTOL-WHIP YOU FOR A REASONABLE PRICE.
Besides, I have waited. Until it was done percolating, sitting there quietly, proudly full of steaming, black goodness.
I pull out the pot, and it whizzes out a stream of coffee all over the goddamn place, like a 70 year old man who thinks he is done peeing, puts it back in his pants only to piss out a map of Europe on the front of his khakis.
Mr. Coffee, are you taunting me?
I almost strangled you this morning with your own cord.
If only I didn't need you so badly.
I hate you.
I love you.
I hate you.
===
Hey, Chewbacca has a blog. Pretty damn funny.
===
I am glad to live in a place that still has winter, even if it is clinging by a thread. The snow in town is melting. Thank Allah that Big Sky is at elevation.
Even still, we're at 4000 feet in Bozeman, and it is nearly golfing weather. In the first week of freaking February.
===
I had a great talk with Chris K. yesterday. We used to work together many moons ago in LA. She is still a rock star.
It is great when you reconnect with someone after a number of years, and they are exactly the same.
I gots to get me back to SoCal for a visit.
It has been too long.
I haven't had a decent fish taco since I left, 10 1/2 years ago.
As soon as snowboarding season is over...
===
India and I started planning an excursion to Glacier National Park this summer. Seems early, but there are only a handful of reservations open for one particular place I want to stay.
India has never done a backcountry backpacking trip.
If you have never been there, Glacier National Park, in my humble opinion, is the single most beautiful place in the lower 48.
It'll knock your fuckin' socks off.
===
I am feelin' a little chippy today.
I think it is because I missed a big storm on Monday/Tuesday. A foot dropped up at Big Sky.
I will make up for it over the next few days.
Speaking of the whole "up at Big Sky" thing...
Now, for my whole life, using the term "up" referred to points North, and "down" referred to points South.
In Wisconsin, one went "up" to the UP, Minneapolis and Green Bay, and "down" to Chicago, Florida or Arizona. (One would also go "by" the store, instead of "in" or "to" the store, but we will just let that one lie for now.)
In Boston, we went "up" to Vermont and Montreal, and "down" to New York.
In LA, we went "up" to San Francisco and "down" to San Diego.
But here?
Big Sky is South of Bozeman, but everyone says they go "up" to Big Sky. Now, I understand, elevation-wise, we technically do go "up," about 3500 feet, to get there.
But it is South, and therefore "Down," in my book.
The other ski area, Bridger Bowl, is North of town, and people usually say they were "over" at Bridger, when they were really "up" at Bridger.
GOD DAMN IT, GET IT STRAIGHT OR I WILL PISS COFFEE ALL OVER YOUR HEATING ELEMENT!
posted by Joe at
7:02 AM
5 Comments:
Dude, first you have Johnny Cash whipping us, your loyal readership, the bird...now you're YELLING! Time for some decaf?
Ah, I'm just joshin' of course. You're fucking hilarious! I never had p-envy before, but now that you've mentioned it, I would love to be able to piss a map of Europe...anywhere but my khakis, of course.
Oh, that's me up there, btw. Forgot to log in. Need caffeine...
Coffeemaker Pisser Problem - I've fixed this problem before. I've found that small coffee grounds get stuck in the mechanism that is supposed to stop the flow of coffee when the pot is removed in mid-flow. There's usually a spring involved...remove that plastic thing and place it under running water, flicking the spring mechanism to dislodge coffee grounds. You should be good to go.
Been through 4 electrics in 2 years, so got tired of all the BSand went to Wal-Mart..got one of those blue (speckled white) enameled coffee pots that hold about a quart of water. Has a good perc basket in it and makes great coffee. No ving parts o to break or any elctrics to wear out.I will never buy an electric one again.. Sometimes the shortcuts to life in the kitchen do not work out.
Yes yes yes to the coffee pissing problem. And I thought I was the only one. I wait until it finishes doing its thing and then...SSSSSSS!!! My teeth grind and I growl and I have to wipe it off before I redeposit the pot, or the hissing continues indefinitely...blarg. Fuck. Yeah.
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