Tuesday, April 25, 2006

'Cause I love that dirty water...
Awwwwwww, Boston, you're my home.

OK... I have some ground to cover here, so stick with me.

If I'm curt with you, it's because time is a factor here. I think fast, I talk fast, and I need you guys to act fast if you want to get out of this. So, pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fucking car.

Have you seen this? It is the age-old story of the meth addict who became depressed and tried to commit suicide with a nail gun, but, um... didn't succeed. And you know the saying, "If at first you don't succeed, shoot yourself in the fucking head 12 times with a nail gun." Anybody got a prybar?

It's too bad he didn't succeed. I am sure he has a lot to offer society.
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You ain't got no problem, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker. Go back in there, chill them niggas out and wait for the Wolf who should be coming directly.

My major accomplishment for the day: I took a dump the size of a small child.

Serious.

I ran six miles later on, but that pales in comparison to this. Ten fingers, ten toes, 8 pounds of joy. He looks just like his father.

--
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Jules: I'll just walk the earth.
Vincent: What'cha mean walk the earth?
Jules: You know, walk the earth, meet people... get into adventures. Like Caine from "Kung Fu."


We watched the SHITTIEST movie last night, called Hide and Seek, starring Robert DeNiro, Dakota Fanning, Elizabeth Shue and Famke Janssen. It was just a clich├Ęd piece of crap.

Predictable and it su-hucked. Big time. Don't waste your time.

Bobby D, you should be ashamed. FOR SHAME!
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Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass.

I spoke with Bells tonight. He will be home next Friday. Hooray!

We're percolating some plans for Carp's visit. We may or may not barbecue a small Vietnamese child. I'm not really at liberty to say.

(Cannabalism... not funny? Yes it is. Lighten up, Francis.)

Hurry back, li'l buddy.

--
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I'm prepared to scour the the Earth for that motherfucker. If Butch goes to Indochina, I want a nigga waiting in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass.

Latest very guilty pleasure, in a love-hate kind of way:

Blow Out and The Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo.

A special thanks to me sainted mother for introducing me to these...these...these shows. ARRRGGGGH! I hate myself for watching it.

Just when I completely weaned myself from The Real World and any related reality challenges, showdowns, and reunions... I get sucked back into the shallow end of the self-absorption pool.

And just when you think that pool couldn't get any shallower, they drain out just a little more water.

I hate myself, and I am going to shoot myself in the head 12 times with a nail gun.

10 Comments:

Blogger P. said...

So the guy gets out of the hospital after they remove the nails and what does he do? Tries (and fails) to commit suicide again, of course! He's either the luckiest or the unluckiest guy alive.

8:43 PM  
Blogger thebluestbutterfly said...

I am watching the Real Housewives this evening too.

9:18 PM  
Blogger thebluestbutterfly said...

Well hopefully that man stays off the drugs.

9:19 PM  
Blogger thebluestbutterfly said...

The sad thing is that I have the unfortunate luck of knowing many people just like the wonderful human beings on those reality shows.

9:21 PM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

That dude on Blowout is unwatchable. The real housewives show is horrible. I still like Surreal Life and I'm getting hooked on Hulk Hogan's reality show. WWE Rocks the fuckin' house! Vince McMahon is an insane genius.

That's my two sense - please don't ask for change.

8:42 AM  
Anonymous slade smiley said...

I'm addicted to RHWOTOC, too.

Lauri's hot for an old broad, but a Playboy party? C'mon.

9:08 AM  
Blogger shy_smiley said...

I just drop to my knees and thank God every day that Flavor of Love is over

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Fred Shero said...

Harvey Keitel will always be the 'poor man's' Bobby Dee.

I'll watch that doo-doo film just for Elizabeth Shue.

On me dying death bed, the image of Woody Harrelson agressively frisking the spread-eagled Shue who was clad in a little summer dress in the film 'Palmetto'will flash before me very eyes.

4:58 PM  
Blogger thebluestbutterfly said...

Flavor of Love bothered me too.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Antwaan Randall El said...

Mrs. El & I recently stumbled upon a show called "Survival of the Richest". I think it's on the WB, but I just watch it when Tivo says I can. Truly enchantinly embarrassing. They took 7 incredibly rich kids (20-25 years old) and 7 poor kids and threw them in a house to interact. Bitter, bitter reality comedy ensued. One rich & one poor kid are eliminated each week with the final pair winning $100k each.
The final episode is very soon, and the El family is pulling for TR & Jim. I actually would like to invite TR to the T.I.T. He would be a friggin hoot.

To demonstrate how crazy the show is, one of the rich kids was Rev. Sun Myung Moon's daughter. Net worth > $1 B.B.B.BILLION.

Check it out if you have 60 minutes you don't know what to do with. http://thewb.warnerbros.com/web/show.jsp?id=SR

8:34 AM  

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