Saturday, April 08, 2006

What else should I be?
All apologies

Today is the anniversary of the day Kurt Cobain decided the shotgun was a more attractive option than living.

I'm still pissed.

Nirvana swept over my life like a tidal wave.

In 1991, I graduated from college, and Nevermind came out.

I moved from Boston to LA, with a three month stop in The Dam...

I drove all the way to LA, to go to law school, listening to that album.

That very same summer, I met India.

It sounds silly, but Nirvana minded the door during a huge change in my life.

I still remember Doug Nussman calling me and telling me they found a body at Kurt's house. Denial took over, and I hoped it was the paper boy, the gardener... anybody but him.

But, deep down, I knew.

I mean, damn, the Unplugged album was pretty much his self-delivered eulogy. There were white lilies on the stage and acoustic, somber, gorgeous music. You know.

You've heard it.

What I cannot shake, though, is the final song of that set. It was a Leadbelly cover, called, In the Pines.

It is absolutely haunting.

In the video (which I own, and you should, too), there is a moment during that song that I cannot shake.

He sings (or howls) most of the song with his eyes downcast, and it is powerful.

Right before the final chorus, he takes a deep breath and looks up at the camera.

I swear, in that moment, you can see right through those sky-blue eyes, right into his soul.

You can see the pain.

Hell, you can feel it.

I searched, but I couldn't find the exact image.

If you've seen it, you know what I am talking about.

And it breaks your heart.


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