Thursday, June 15, 2006

I was down, I fell
I fell so fast
Droppin like the grains in an hourglass

Well, well, well.

I know, I know.

Dude... what did you do today?

Hmmm, let me think.

I did a number of things.

I got online, chatted with babes.

After that, while still online, I traded some options and some stocks.

Y'know... I made some sweet moolah with Uncle Rico.

Then, boom.

I got a phone call from the LB. You may know him as Husker. Some people think he's my boyfriend.

Oh, I admit I love him, but that's as much as you are going to get.

As far as I'm concerned, what happens on the sand volleyball court stays on the sand volleyball court.

I can't quit you, Husker....

(By the way... do you people know how hard it is just being me?

Do you have any idea?

You don't, do you?

It's work, people.

Not everyone can do it.

And thank your lucky fucking stars that I am here, doing what I do... for you.

Because, if I wasn't... well... things... things, um... they'd be, uh... ah... um... well, I don't know what the fuck they would be, but you better goddamn recognize.)

^^^That's Camera-shy Erika, Husker, and Cosmic Charlie.

More of the fabulous family, along with childhood friend, Cosmic Charlie.

The thing I hate about Montana is that there is nothing to see, and what you do see is all Ugly.

UJ, just so you know... there was a lot of conversation about you, right about when this picture was taken.

Wouldn't you love to know what we were saying?

I would, too.

Too bad for you that you weren't there to hear.

Trust me, though...

Your balls?

They were thoroughly busted.

And for that matter, Antuan Randel El, so were yours, so wipe that smug fucking grin off your face, you versatile scat-back motherfucker.

Yeah, we hiked.

We saw.

We kicked a little ass.

OK, it was a lot of ass.

But who counts, when there's that much foot and that much ass?

(Think Ronald McDonald vs. J-Lo.)

(Yeah, that's a lot of foot, and probably twice as much ass, if not more.

Ass, that is.

Even considering the clown shoes.

It's a lotta foot, and a lotta ass.

Big foot, big ass.

Buncha kicking.

People running for cover.

You know, from all the ass we were kicking.

With those big clown shoes.

Or maybe it was the wig they were running from.

Or the ass.

Fuck it.

They were running, anyway.)


So, these dudes, Cosmic Charlie and The Husker, used to pack peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, whitewash some fences and trick each others girlfriends into throwing up on each other. Well, that was back when girlfriends used to throw up on people.

You know, in bars and such.

Back in the day, when it was cool to throw up on each other.

Or maybe that was in the vomitoriums in ancient Rome.

What is a vomitorium?

The vomitorium was invented by the Romans, my ancestors.

The vomitorium was designed for, well, vomiting.

When you ate too much and drank too much, you went to the vomitorium, and vomited.

This is really a tangent that we don't need to explore, but , nevertheless, I felt you needed to know, dear reader.

Let's cleanse the pallette with a couple of rock stars, flossing in Bozeman.

Keepin it real.

Cause you know that's how we do.

In the Dam.


In the meantime, I called Mrs. Husker and whispered sweet pervy nothings into her ear.

Because I felt is was the appropriate thing to do.

I refrained from vomiting.

Because, between you and me, dear reader, I I think Mrs. Husker is the Bee's Knees.


She is.


I mean, heck, she's responsible for these two people.


Yeah, that's what I thought.

The Bee's Knees, indeed.

Like I said.


The whole vomitorium thing came up because this lady, back in the day, dated Husker, when they were younger. And during that time, many, many moons ago, they went on a date.

And on that date, she did vomit. On Husker.

And she eventually married Husker's best friend, Cosmic Charlie.

And here we are, together again, rejoicing in the pure pleasure of keeping our stomach contents to ourselves.

As a good Roman should.

Because that, after all, is what the vomitorium is for, people.


And Refraining.

From Vomiting.

On each other.

Unless you really have to, and then, you know...

Have at it.

And let's keep it among friends.


Blogger carrie said...

great post!

8:44 AM  
Blogger P. said...

You know, Dude, you have some really attractive friends there. I remain confused, though, as to which one is Husker and which is Cosmic Charlie.

7:29 PM  

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