Upon us all, a little rain must fall
The final guest blog from Quagmire.
Enjoy:
Statistical Wrap-Up for July
Weather
Number of days in India: 31
Number of days in Mumbai: 25
Number of monsoon days: 24
Number of sunny days: 1
Number of feet of the deepest flood seen: 5
Number of seconds it takes to get completely drenched in a full
monsoon: 8
Getting Around
Number of traffic accidents involving a cab or rickshaw I was riding: 3
Number of pedestrians hit by a rickshaw I was riding: 2
Number of times I was hit by a rickshaw: 1
Number of times I was called a sister-fucker by an irate cabbie: 1
Number of times I was invited to remove myself from (read: got kicked
out of) a rickshaw or cab: 3
Number of times I was kicked out of a rickshaw on the night of the
bombings and had to walk to the University in the midst of a large and
palpably angry crowd: 1
Communication
Number of phrases in Hindi I can say: 6
Number of Hindi phrases I understand when spoken to me: 0
Number of Hindi phrases, when I say them, are understood by Hindi
speakers: 0
Number of times my cell phone was inexplicably deactivated: 2
Number of times it was just as inexplicably re-activated: 1
Number of rupees the re-activation cost: 151
Cultural assimilation
Number of head bobs required to imply "yes": 5
Number of head bobs required to imply "no": 5
Number of times I affected an Indian accent to help English language
comprehension: 23
Number of attempts to pass as Indian national to get the cheap price: 4
Number of successful attempts to pass as Indian national to get the
cheap price: 0
Number of encounters it took until I no longer noticed the men
carrying giant machine guns: 12
Number of Bangra dance moves I have mastered: 3
Number of Indians who now know how to play Sheephead: 4 (Inside joke
for the Wisconsin folk)
Politics:
Number of religious riots: 1
Number of terrorist bomb detonations: 7
Number of Parliament ministers sighted: 1
Numbers of times I was lectured on how much better India is than the
US: 7
Wildlife
Number of elephants seen: 5
Number of elephants touched: 1
Number of times I was accosted by stray dogs: 2
Hygiene
Number of open sewers I fell into: 0
Number of open sewers my friend Aza fell into: 1
Number of hot showers taken: 2
Health
Number of Immodium ADs taken: 0
Number of times I was convinced I contracted TB: 3
Number of times I was convinced I contracted leprosy: 1
Number of fevers exceeding 100 F: 1
Highest fever amongst my friends: 104 F
Well, I leave for NY tomorrow morning. Writing these emails has been
fun and a good stress reliever. Hope you have enjoyed reading them as
much as I have enjoyed writing them.
Take care,
Quagmire.
Enjoy:
Statistical Wrap-Up for July
Weather
Number of days in India: 31
Number of days in Mumbai: 25
Number of monsoon days: 24
Number of sunny days: 1
Number of feet of the deepest flood seen: 5
Number of seconds it takes to get completely drenched in a full
monsoon: 8
Getting Around
Number of traffic accidents involving a cab or rickshaw I was riding: 3
Number of pedestrians hit by a rickshaw I was riding: 2
Number of times I was hit by a rickshaw: 1
Number of times I was called a sister-fucker by an irate cabbie: 1
Number of times I was invited to remove myself from (read: got kicked
out of) a rickshaw or cab: 3
Number of times I was kicked out of a rickshaw on the night of the
bombings and had to walk to the University in the midst of a large and
palpably angry crowd: 1
Communication
Number of phrases in Hindi I can say: 6
Number of Hindi phrases I understand when spoken to me: 0
Number of Hindi phrases, when I say them, are understood by Hindi
speakers: 0
Number of times my cell phone was inexplicably deactivated: 2
Number of times it was just as inexplicably re-activated: 1
Number of rupees the re-activation cost: 151
Cultural assimilation
Number of head bobs required to imply "yes": 5
Number of head bobs required to imply "no": 5
Number of times I affected an Indian accent to help English language
comprehension: 23
Number of attempts to pass as Indian national to get the cheap price: 4
Number of successful attempts to pass as Indian national to get the
cheap price: 0
Number of encounters it took until I no longer noticed the men
carrying giant machine guns: 12
Number of Bangra dance moves I have mastered: 3
Number of Indians who now know how to play Sheephead: 4 (Inside joke
for the Wisconsin folk)
Politics:
Number of religious riots: 1
Number of terrorist bomb detonations: 7
Number of Parliament ministers sighted: 1
Numbers of times I was lectured on how much better India is than the
US: 7
Wildlife
Number of elephants seen: 5
Number of elephants touched: 1
Number of times I was accosted by stray dogs: 2
Hygiene
Number of open sewers I fell into: 0
Number of open sewers my friend Aza fell into: 1
Number of hot showers taken: 2
Health
Number of Immodium ADs taken: 0
Number of times I was convinced I contracted TB: 3
Number of times I was convinced I contracted leprosy: 1
Number of fevers exceeding 100 F: 1
Highest fever amongst my friends: 104 F
Well, I leave for NY tomorrow morning. Writing these emails has been
fun and a good stress reliever. Hope you have enjoyed reading them as
much as I have enjoyed writing them.
Take care,
Quagmire.
posted by Joe at
9:02 AM
3 Comments:
I'm interested in what you ate while you were in India, Quagmire? Although I would imagine the open sewers, etc. had somewhat of an appetite suppressing effect.
Hands down the best food I've ever had. I ate mostly Punjabi food which is the typical curry-ish masala-laden food you think of when you think Indian food. Also note that I didn't take a single Immodium AD on the trip. Except for a little bug I picked up courtesy of British Airways on the flight into Mumbai, I was never in any GI distress. Which is surprising given that I ate a) food purchased on the street, b) fruit bought off the street vendors, c) a lot of fruit juices and iced drinks, and d) at some ridiculously sketchy cafes even on the Indian scale of sketch. All of these are sternly warned against by travel clinics and even Indians themselves. If you find yourself in an Indian restaurant and are confused by the names, here are a few things that I liked: for super spicy, a vegetable kadai is the shiite; a little milder go for a makhani like chicken or paneer (also called butter chicken or butter paneer); handi chicken is also really tasty; you can never go wrong with a tika masala - paneer or chicken. They had mutton on a lot of menus, but I generally stay away from the red meat these days so I only tasted one mutton dish - mutton kali mirch - fan-fucking-tastic. Oh yeah, paneer is an Indian cheese that really reminded me more of tofu than cheese, but very good. I'm back in the boogie down Bronx now, it's nice to be back in quiet, sleepy NYC again.
Good golly, I'm hungry. Thanks for the tips (must find a good Indian restaurant now). Keep writing. It's always interesting and frequently very funny.
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