Mocha Choc-a-latta Ya Ya
Duders...
You may recall a couple weeks ago, I told you about Adam, my friend Nort's new baby.
Adam got a heart transplant, and things look (cautiously) alright so far.
Click here for the link to read the local NBC story on Adam. Click the "watch video" to see the actual story.
---
I am sorely fucking remiss, what with this being a Wednesday and all, in failing to mention to you cocksuckers just how fucking good Deadwood was AGAIN this week.
It is approaching a Sopranos circa Tony's mom or Ralphie's Head Level of Excellence right now.
WHY DO THESE SHOWS GET SO DAMN GOOD BEFORE THE STARS DEMAND TOO MUCH MONEY, HBO SAYS FUCK YOU AND THE WRITERS END IT??? WHY, DAMMIT, WHY?
The Sopranos? 8 episodes remain.
Deadwood? Same damn thing happened.
I haven't been this verklempt since the last episode of Cheers.
We will not mention the last episode of Seinfeld. It didn't happen. As far as I am concerned, Kramerica Industries is still a going concern, Costanza is still the Assistant to the Traveling Secretary, and we still celebrate Festivus with Frank Costanza and his unadorned pole. (I find tinsel... distracting).
I digress. Back to Deadwood... Swearengen walking in, looking at Trixie after she shot, but failed to kill Hearst, after he had contracted one of the Pinkertons to kill Mr. Ellsworth, standing at the door and saying, "Loopy Fucking Cunt," and then walking out?
(That's a lot of fucking commas in that last sentence, but it is grammatically unassailable. Correct me if I am wrong, English majors. I love learning.)
Fucking poetry, cocksuckers.
Fucking poetry.
And EB?
What a great supporting character. So slimy and unctuous that I want to dip him in a vat of bleach.
The wheezing Doc?
The moral center of the show.
Wu?
cock-SUCKA!!
Merrick, f/k/a Rooney from Ferris Bueller?
We'll set aside the fact that he was convicted of possession of child porn and just recognize that he was perfectly cast for his role, and nails every scene.
Mrs. Garrett, twice widowed, addicted to laudanum and the wealthiest individual in camp?
We've already covered her, but suffice it to say, I am on my way to Deadwood to console her as we speak.
The retarded counterparts of Richardson and the gimp at the Gem?
Fantastic comic relief.
Calamity Jame Cannary and her newfound lesbian relationship with the liberated ex-madam of Tolliver?
Gold. Always gold.
Dority, Swearingen's eye-removing heavy?
On point. Every time.
The ever-pissed Bullock?
If only I could grow a decent 'stache, I'd walk around with my jaw clenched, uber-pissed and beat people within an inch of their lives. Just fuckin' because. (That dinner scene that he could barely sit through was classic.)
But it all comes back to Al Fuckin' Swearingen.
Talking to the severed Indian head. Delivering a soliloquy whilst getting a blowjob. Deleriously sweating whilst passing a kidney stone. Leaping from the second story to save the fair Mrs. Garrett. Inspiring fear. Cutting throats. Conversing with Wu. (Pure gold, Jerry. Gold like Ovaltine.) Serving peaches at his town meetings. He is the embodiment of the term, "Machiavellian." Always scheming. We should hate him, because he is absolutely, thoroughly despicable in every sense of the word, but we love him... much like Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction.
Anyway, if you haven't seen it, get the to the fucking video store, cocksucker, and rent it. Every season is available up til this one.
It's fantastic.
And you will hear "fuck" and "cocksucker" more times than you will on this blog.
Which reminds me...
When India was in college, she lived with 6 other girls in this house in Winona, Minnesota.
One of the other girls had a first date with a boy she really liked.
It happened to be his birthday.
She baked him a cake and used little pieces of rope licorice to spell out, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
She was really sweet on this guy.
While she was on the date, that cake sat in the frig.
India and her roommate Kari had a couple of drinks and checked out that cake.
The rearranged the licorice to read, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY COCKSUCKER."
Their roommate came home with her date (while India and Kari were sitting in the kitchen) and excitedly grabbed the cake out of the frig and proudly showed it to her date.
His face was that unique mix of perplexed, pissed, horrified and amused.
Meanwhile, Kari and India were laughing their balls off. (That's why they don't have any... anymore.)
The unsuspecting roommate was the last to catch on.
Anyway, that is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard.
By the way, the 4th(?) season of the Wire starts on HBO September 4th. So far, I think that show is actually better than Sopranos, Six Feet Under and Deadwood.
Check it.
I don't really watch any television below channel 300 anymore.
The Daily Show and the Colbert Report (silent "r") will occasionally suck me down into the 50's, but that is it.
You may recall a couple weeks ago, I told you about Adam, my friend Nort's new baby.
Adam got a heart transplant, and things look (cautiously) alright so far.
Click here for the link to read the local NBC story on Adam. Click the "watch video" to see the actual story.
---
I am sorely fucking remiss, what with this being a Wednesday and all, in failing to mention to you cocksuckers just how fucking good Deadwood was AGAIN this week.
It is approaching a Sopranos circa Tony's mom or Ralphie's Head Level of Excellence right now.
WHY DO THESE SHOWS GET SO DAMN GOOD BEFORE THE STARS DEMAND TOO MUCH MONEY, HBO SAYS FUCK YOU AND THE WRITERS END IT??? WHY, DAMMIT, WHY?
The Sopranos? 8 episodes remain.
Deadwood? Same damn thing happened.
I haven't been this verklempt since the last episode of Cheers.
We will not mention the last episode of Seinfeld. It didn't happen. As far as I am concerned, Kramerica Industries is still a going concern, Costanza is still the Assistant to the Traveling Secretary, and we still celebrate Festivus with Frank Costanza and his unadorned pole. (I find tinsel... distracting).
I digress. Back to Deadwood... Swearengen walking in, looking at Trixie after she shot, but failed to kill Hearst, after he had contracted one of the Pinkertons to kill Mr. Ellsworth, standing at the door and saying, "Loopy Fucking Cunt," and then walking out?
(That's a lot of fucking commas in that last sentence, but it is grammatically unassailable. Correct me if I am wrong, English majors. I love learning.)
Fucking poetry, cocksuckers.
Fucking poetry.
And EB?
What a great supporting character. So slimy and unctuous that I want to dip him in a vat of bleach.
The wheezing Doc?
The moral center of the show.
Wu?
cock-SUCKA!!
Merrick, f/k/a Rooney from Ferris Bueller?
We'll set aside the fact that he was convicted of possession of child porn and just recognize that he was perfectly cast for his role, and nails every scene.
Mrs. Garrett, twice widowed, addicted to laudanum and the wealthiest individual in camp?
We've already covered her, but suffice it to say, I am on my way to Deadwood to console her as we speak.
The retarded counterparts of Richardson and the gimp at the Gem?
Fantastic comic relief.
Calamity Jame Cannary and her newfound lesbian relationship with the liberated ex-madam of Tolliver?
Gold. Always gold.
Dority, Swearingen's eye-removing heavy?
On point. Every time.
The ever-pissed Bullock?
If only I could grow a decent 'stache, I'd walk around with my jaw clenched, uber-pissed and beat people within an inch of their lives. Just fuckin' because. (That dinner scene that he could barely sit through was classic.)
But it all comes back to Al Fuckin' Swearingen.
Talking to the severed Indian head. Delivering a soliloquy whilst getting a blowjob. Deleriously sweating whilst passing a kidney stone. Leaping from the second story to save the fair Mrs. Garrett. Inspiring fear. Cutting throats. Conversing with Wu. (Pure gold, Jerry. Gold like Ovaltine.) Serving peaches at his town meetings. He is the embodiment of the term, "Machiavellian." Always scheming. We should hate him, because he is absolutely, thoroughly despicable in every sense of the word, but we love him... much like Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction.
Anyway, if you haven't seen it, get the to the fucking video store, cocksucker, and rent it. Every season is available up til this one.
It's fantastic.
And you will hear "fuck" and "cocksucker" more times than you will on this blog.
Which reminds me...
When India was in college, she lived with 6 other girls in this house in Winona, Minnesota.
One of the other girls had a first date with a boy she really liked.
It happened to be his birthday.
She baked him a cake and used little pieces of rope licorice to spell out, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
She was really sweet on this guy.
While she was on the date, that cake sat in the frig.
India and her roommate Kari had a couple of drinks and checked out that cake.
The rearranged the licorice to read, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY COCKSUCKER."
Their roommate came home with her date (while India and Kari were sitting in the kitchen) and excitedly grabbed the cake out of the frig and proudly showed it to her date.
His face was that unique mix of perplexed, pissed, horrified and amused.
Meanwhile, Kari and India were laughing their balls off. (That's why they don't have any... anymore.)
The unsuspecting roommate was the last to catch on.
Anyway, that is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard.
By the way, the 4th(?) season of the Wire starts on HBO September 4th. So far, I think that show is actually better than Sopranos, Six Feet Under and Deadwood.
Check it.
I don't really watch any television below channel 300 anymore.
The Daily Show and the Colbert Report (silent "r") will occasionally suck me down into the 50's, but that is it.
posted by Joe at
6:52 PM
7 Comments:
I'd take out the comma after shot before but. But what do I know, I majored in French not English.
PS - Thanks for removing the word verification.
You rock, Hot Lips.
I put the word veification on again when I got 30 stupis fucking "I din't find exactly what I was looking for here" comments.
Uh it's the T that's silent in both Colbert and Report.
"the ever pissed Bullock"
hey, don't forget hot Bullock, and I on my way to console him as well....
*please say SPOLIER before talking about DeadWood, I have to wait for it to come out on Disc......please, I started reading and could not help but to continue...
I have no restraint.
Damn, although there is no suprise about the Calamity Jane being a lesbian...
Sunday on HBO still reigns as the best shows on TV. I religously watch Deadwood at least twice a week because the scripts are so beautiful. You have to get into Lucky Louie, it's the modern Honeymooners. Hysterical.
Hope all is well.
"Happy Birthday Cocksucker" and the unsuspecting roommate are happily married after many years and twins who will someday appreciate this story. I was there for it all and took some pictures. I'll send them later. Love ya, Joe... Got your response card today. We'll have to celebrate out in Bozeman!
No way you can compare Swergen to Vega
Vega ,the brute...could never reach Swergin's level of self awareness or sophistication in his ministrations pre-Hearst era Deadwood.
Never
Al is because Al thinks.
Having a retrospective verbal moment during felletio is poetry.
I've always felt Deadwood is like Shakespeare on mescaline.
Great stuff
btw if you read this and dont remember the email JM it's T-rex's bro
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