River stones and broken bones, scattered on the hill

I'm not a big one for "purple prose," which I see too often. Overly wordy, too many adverbs, just trying to let you know they have a quiver full of 25 cent words, and they know how to use them.

I see this in a lot of bloggers, many of whom have book deals. It makes me cringe.

Name names? OK. Here are two very popular blogs:

Click here for Opinionistas. She could be good, but she strikes me as somebody who is Trying. Way. Too. Hard. Ironically, she was a New York lawyer for a year or two and blogged about her experience in a huge law firm. When she was doing that, it was good. And it was linked here... but not anymore.

Also, check Mimi In New York, the English girl with an elite education and superior intellect (according to her) who moved to New York and became a stripper. Christ. She all but says, "The night was sultry. The kind of night where the sidewalk shimmers with the heat of a million souls, throwing off waves of steam, obscuring the blood-orange full moon with the hot hot heat of the heat. (Did I mention the moon was full?)

Would you kindly shut the fuck up?

(They both have book deals, by the by. I don't. They also each get ten times the traffic this place does. So, what do I know?

I could be all wrong, but why let that get in the way of a good rant?)

Christ, read those posts and tell me they're not spreading the cheese just a little too thick.

And completely forgetting about the bacon.

(No fucking bacon? What the fuck?!)

I think they don't give the reader enough credit.

If you want to read someone who does it right, read Quagmire, IF HE WOULD FUCKING POST SOMETHING- HINT, FUCKING HINT.

But also check out Jason Mulgrew, a fellow BC grad who maintains The Funniest Blog on the Net. Click and read. Click and read. I guarantee your work day will never be the same.

(Jason actually has a book deal and a sitcom deal. I'm telling you, he is fucking funny. I went back and read his entire blog. It's killer.)

I believe in the Elmore Leonard/Chuck Palahniuk/Charles Fucking Bukowski school of thought.

Say what you have to say, and then shut the fuck up.

I write these posts, then I go back through and trim. I take out half the words. If there is dialogue, you don't need to expound like an overfilled douchebag.

Example:

"Fuck you," he growled through clenched teeth, like a starving wolf protecting his hard-won kill.

My version:

"Fuck you."

I think you get the point.