Well I am just a monkey man
I'm glad you are a monkey woman, too, girl
I would like to live part of the year in Costa Rica... but which part? I certainly wouldn't want to miss the Montana winter or early spring, my most favoritest of seasons. Summer down there would be too sweltering. OK... Mid-April to end of May, and October-November in Costa Rica. The rest of the time in Montana.
Of course, I will have to spend a winter or two in British Columbia, with a snowboard and a helicopter at my disposal.
Since such things get pricey, I have made an earnest and informed decision to win the lottery.
Oh, and embark on a career as a high-end art thief.
I also have been working really hard with a team of Japanese scientists and Sottish wizards to discover the cancer-fighting, heart-attack preventing, cholesterol-reducing properties of combining melted cheese and bacon.
And that is just in my spare time.
I also have plans to sit by and laugh heartily at New York elitism. (And, to a lesser degree LA, Chicago and San Francisco elitism.) Cramming a massive sea of humanity into a small geographical area causes individual members of said sea to experience strange phenomena.
Apparently, living elbow-to-asshole with millions of others on a sea of concrete, bathing in exhaust fumes and the stench of human effluvia, combined with the availability of thai food at 4 a.m., museums they never actually visit and fabulous broadway plays entitles these people to feel superior to the denizens of the rest of the country.
The "flyover states," if you will. Apparently, New Yorkers haughtily disregard everything between Brookyn and California.
They do, however, reserve the right to view Californians with mild disdain even whilst tipping their collective caps to the Californians' mad paving skillz and the sheer genius of sticking 9 million people in a fucking desert.
And, while New Yorkers admire the Californians' ability to squander natural resources at a staggering rate and shit them out into the ocean at an equally staggering rate, they feel the Californians have ultimately fall short of New York, since they failed to actually stack all those people right on top of each other... plus they think their pizza sucks, because you can't fold the slices in in half or something like that.
I don't know about you, but I acknowledge the inferiority of all the places I have lived to New York. I yearn wistfully for the ability to pay a couple hundred bucks to see a man in tights and pancake makeup sing his lines instead of speaking and get down on one knee for a grand, jazz-hands finale.
In the meantime, I'm going to nip on down to my favourite shoppe and stand in the queue to by some new tyres for my lorry.
Chip chip cheerio, old boy!
Of course, I will have to spend a winter or two in British Columbia, with a snowboard and a helicopter at my disposal.
Since such things get pricey, I have made an earnest and informed decision to win the lottery.
Oh, and embark on a career as a high-end art thief.
I also have been working really hard with a team of Japanese scientists and Sottish wizards to discover the cancer-fighting, heart-attack preventing, cholesterol-reducing properties of combining melted cheese and bacon.
And that is just in my spare time.
I also have plans to sit by and laugh heartily at New York elitism. (And, to a lesser degree LA, Chicago and San Francisco elitism.) Cramming a massive sea of humanity into a small geographical area causes individual members of said sea to experience strange phenomena.
Apparently, living elbow-to-asshole with millions of others on a sea of concrete, bathing in exhaust fumes and the stench of human effluvia, combined with the availability of thai food at 4 a.m., museums they never actually visit and fabulous broadway plays entitles these people to feel superior to the denizens of the rest of the country.
The "flyover states," if you will. Apparently, New Yorkers haughtily disregard everything between Brookyn and California.
They do, however, reserve the right to view Californians with mild disdain even whilst tipping their collective caps to the Californians' mad paving skillz and the sheer genius of sticking 9 million people in a fucking desert.
And, while New Yorkers admire the Californians' ability to squander natural resources at a staggering rate and shit them out into the ocean at an equally staggering rate, they feel the Californians have ultimately fall short of New York, since they failed to actually stack all those people right on top of each other... plus they think their pizza sucks, because you can't fold the slices in in half or something like that.
I don't know about you, but I acknowledge the inferiority of all the places I have lived to New York. I yearn wistfully for the ability to pay a couple hundred bucks to see a man in tights and pancake makeup sing his lines instead of speaking and get down on one knee for a grand, jazz-hands finale.
In the meantime, I'm going to nip on down to my favourite shoppe and stand in the queue to by some new tyres for my lorry.
Chip chip cheerio, old boy!
posted by Joe at
8:41 AM
7 Comments:
Thanks for the laugh. And effluvia? Made my day!
The only thing New York deserves to feel superior about is the pizza. Pizza slices should definitely be large enough to fold over and swimming with the grease of buffalo mozzarella, tomato sauce made with olive oil, and fresh pepperoni.
In California they put brocolli on their pizza.
Game over.
What she ^^^^^^ said
Just wondering...how diverse the population of Bozeman is?
Diverse?
Montana?
Ahhh, no. Not at all.
It is very white. I think the biggest minority is native americans.
which is reason enough to live in a city...
New York will only be the prime target for the detonation of a nuclear bomb that has fallen in the hands of terrorists.
But what a way to go!
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