Oh, to live on Sugar Mountain
With the barkers and the colored balloons
You can't be twenty on Sugar Mountain
Though you're thinkin' that you're leavin' there too soon.
You're leavin' there too soon.
Hi, My name is Joe. Most people call me the Dude.
Duder.
Or El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
Anyway, man.
We've got a problem.
Ladies and germs...
Let me begin by telling you about a scourge that is sweeping across our proud nation.
That scrourge, nay... disease has become an epidemic.
Indeed.
You already know what I am talking about: Children.
Little ones.
Younglings.
They are everywhere.
All these people, having all these children.
2.6 kids and a Volvo.
And that's only in this country.
Every 2.7 seconds, a little brown baby is born, in some god-foresaken country, somewhere in the third world, flies a-buzzin', chickens a-cluckin', probably goats, maybe some snakes, and, if you're lucky, a mongoose by the name of Riki-Tiki-Tavi.
If you're lucky, that is.
But anyway, hardly any of these children are being beaten.
At least the white ones.
And, unfortunately, they are the most in need of being beaten.
Please, I implore you, people.
White people.
Beat your children.
Before it's too late.
Please, act now.
Operators are standing by.
Call now.
I'm the Dude, and I approve this message.
Paid for by Friends Of the Dude, Please Beat Your Children, a P.A.C.
P.S. Eva Longoria.
She beats her kids.
You should, too.
Because, it's the right thing to do.
You're leavin' there too soon.
Hi, My name is Joe. Most people call me the Dude.
Duder.
Or El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
Anyway, man.
We've got a problem.
Ladies and germs...
Let me begin by telling you about a scourge that is sweeping across our proud nation.
That scrourge, nay... disease has become an epidemic.
Indeed.
You already know what I am talking about: Children.
Little ones.
Younglings.
They are everywhere.
All these people, having all these children.
2.6 kids and a Volvo.
And that's only in this country.
Every 2.7 seconds, a little brown baby is born, in some god-foresaken country, somewhere in the third world, flies a-buzzin', chickens a-cluckin', probably goats, maybe some snakes, and, if you're lucky, a mongoose by the name of Riki-Tiki-Tavi.
If you're lucky, that is.
But anyway, hardly any of these children are being beaten.
At least the white ones.
And, unfortunately, they are the most in need of being beaten.
Please, I implore you, people.
White people.
Beat your children.
Before it's too late.
Please, act now.
Operators are standing by.
Call now.
I'm the Dude, and I approve this message.
Paid for by Friends Of the Dude, Please Beat Your Children, a P.A.C.
P.S. Eva Longoria.
She beats her kids.
You should, too.
Because, it's the right thing to do.
posted by Joe at
10:33 PM
3 Comments:
That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time. It brings me back to dropping a sheet of plywood on my dad's toe and knowing that meant getting spanked with the belt!
You only drop the sheet of plywood on your old man's toe ONCE. After that, you'll hang on to that sheet of plywood come hell or high water.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Where da switches at?
YES!!!
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