Well, hello, Mr. Soul, I dropped by to pick up a reason...

How do you rebuild a broken soul?

I am not sure, but I bet the ancient chinese man knows.

He's the one who keeps an owl in a cage and sells bootleg Jean Claude Van Damme movies.

And he smells a bit like cabbage.

--
--

I was talking to my neighbor, Ross, and he unveiled a euphemism for masturbation that was new to me.

"Play a little five-on-one."

I like it.

--
--

Here are a couple gems from today's police reports from The Bozeman Daily Chronicle:

-A real estate agent found a dead man in the bathtub of a home that was for sale. The cause of death appeared to be natural. No foul play was suspected.

-A bear was spotted near the intersection of South Eighth Ave. and West Olive Street. (That is right in the middle of town... not on the outskirts.)

And, the best for last:

-A man was blocking traffic in the middle of South Wilson Avenue. He was exposing his genitals to drivers. When officers arrived, the man tucked his genitals between his legs.

Gotta love that...the rollers showed up and he went for the "Mangina," as popularized by Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs and parodied by Jay (multiple times) in Clerks 2.
--
--

Sometimes, like this morning, I get so hopped up on cafe lattes that I am like Kramer in the "WHO TOLD YOU TO PUT THE BALM ON?" episode.

Or, like the lesser known SNL character, Phillip the hyper-hypo.



Except without the helmet and harness.



OK, I was wearing a helmet.