So you say it's your birthday

Holy Macaroni.

I sure did get a lot of birthday wishes.

My phone was busier than Paris Hilton's... well... on a... I will just let you complete that thought.

Anyway, damn.

Thank you Blain, India, Brig, Bells, Mom, Lizzy, Molly, Katie, Lucy, Joey, Dad, Hotlipz, UJ, Antuan, Husker, P., Dan-O, Mike, Sassy Brown, Annie, Sojourner, Chuck Fucking J., Romano...

Mike and Annie even baked me a cake, for crying out loud.

I mean, Jiminy Christmas!

I haven't had that many birthday wishes ever, I don't think.

Thanks, dudes. And chicks.

Especially the chicks.

And a special thanks to Anonymous, who commented:

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria split up. Dude, I think you should go for it.

You know what?

I think I will.

I have been sleeping in a tent near her house with a transistor radio, a tin foil helmet and a Ouija board, and I have been getting some positive signals.

So, I am going to just go for it.

(Is anyone sick of this picture yet?



Because I'm not.)

Oh and, as far as birthday thank you's, I tried not to forget anybody, and if I did, I am sorry...

But there is someone I don't want to forget.

I'M TALKING TO YOU, TONY. (T-REX)



I WOULD LIKE TO JUST SAY THANKS, THANKS A LOT FOR NOT REMEMBERING MY BIRTHDAY.

IF YOU THINK HAVING A 2 YEAR OLD AND A ONE YEAR OLD AND REMODELING YOUR FUCKING HOUSE TO MAKE A NEW LIVING ROOM WHERE YOUR STUPID GARAGE USED TO BE IS ANY KIND OF EXCUSE, WELL IT ISN'T.

YOU FUCKER.

YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN LIVING ROOM.

AND YOUR BABIES, TOO.

I GUESS I KNOW WHERE I STAND.

THIS REALLY TELLS ME A LOT ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER, YOUR VALUES, AND YOUR PRIORITIES.

TONY, IT'S OVER.

I AM SOOOO DONE.

I AM TIRED OF YOU BEING EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE.

I MEAN, I TRY TO TALK AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS SOLVE THE PROBLEM. SOMETIMES I JUST NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE PROBLEM, RATHER THAN JUST CUTTING THINGS SHORT WITH A LOGICAL, CONCISE SOLUTION. IT HELPS ME TO PROCESS THINGS AND JUST GO ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND WITH IT UNTIL IT IS 2 A.M. AND YOU HAVE TO WORK AT 7.

YOU DON'T LISTEN.

YOU JUST DON'T LISTEN, TONY.

I HAVE NEEDS.

WAIT A MINUTE?

ARE YOU FUCKING SLEEPING?!

DID YOU FALL ASLEEP!?!?!

YOU SELFISH BASTARD.

FUCK YOU, TONY.

FUCK YOU.



I hope you all have a lovely... Wednesday?

Is today Tuesday?

Wednesday.

Anyway, have a good random mid-week day, cocktoasters.

Except for Tony.

Fuck him.

I hope he has a Wretched Wednesday.