Saturday, September 08, 2007

She blinded me with science

Today we went to the Farmer's Market, for the only time this summer. I had successfully resisted the whole kind rainbow brother, i-need-a-miracle, drum circle, hemp wearing, homegrown, 15-to-a-Volkswagon, filthy, bearded, naked hippie in a hot spring thing.

We struck a bargain: if I went to the Farmer's Market and didn't bitch, she would come to Music Villa with me to play $ 5000 (Bozeman-made) Gibson Acoustic guitars that I can't afford. I want, I want. I need, I need.

^ I played that one. Anyone wanna give me a modest $ 5000 donation?

^But I want this one, which is "only" $ 2600.

So you would be getting a bargain for your five grand.

Much like my native american brethren who let nothing go to waste from their kill, by using it for food, hides for clothing and shelter and bones for tools, (Q: What did they do with skulls, if they used everything? Smells like bullshit.) I will use every extra dollar of your five grand on really good stuff like amplifiers, Captain Crunch, Hutterite goods, new sunglasses and with the last $ 26, I will buy a $ 25 cigar and light it with the last dollar.

Just like the Indians, I tell you.

Sure enough, we pull into the lot, bumpeer to bumper with a beat up Volvo that had a "Visualize Whirled Peas" bumper sticker.

(By the way, I was inspired by Alex to learn 867-5309. Here is the intro:)

I had to point it out, but after that I just smirked for a while and kept the running dialogue inside my head.

I got a double latte, which was pleasant and began to check out the produce & stuff. It is held at the Bozeman fairgrounds, partly outside, but mostly in a re-purposed erstwhile ice rink.

I was smacked in the face by a wafting cloud of patchouli.

I am not making this up. It was overwhelming. Like napalm.

I squinted, squeezed Stanette's hand and said, "I smell hippie."

We bought some pickled green beans and some pickled cucumbers from this Hutterite dude. I didn't know what a Hutterite was until I came to Montana. They dress like a cross between an Amish guy and an orthodox Jew. The dudes have Abraham Lincoln beards and they wear these clockwork orange type bowler/derby hats. They also wear vests, and pretty much only black or white clothing.

Except they drive trucks, and enjoy the trappings of the industrial age without going into a silo with Harrison Ford or bowling with Woody Harrelson.

Come to think of it, I still don't know what a Hutterite is.

But I know what they look like.

Can't miss 'em, really.

We only have white people (97%*)((40% hippies, 25% Caliornians, 20% ranchers, 8% white supremacist, 16.55 percent trustafarians.**)), Indians (feather-not-dot)(2%*), and "other" (1%)which is the MSU and Montana football and basketball teams, National Park & ski resort employees from Romania and Argentina (because the employer doesn't have to FICA or medicare) and the guy who owns the Mexican restaurant in Missoula.

*not based on actual data.
*not on a scale of a scale of 109.55

So you tend to notice the odd droog with suspenders, an Abe Lincoln beard, and a truckful of organic produce.

At Music Villa, I bought myself the music stand you see pictured, and compltely geeked out with an LED clip-on light and .....

drumroll, please

ยก A sweet cup-holder!

The best part of it all, though, was the one dolalr I spent on a catniup toy for Doodle.

Check it.

That shit oughta be illegal.



Anonymous brokejaw said...

Have you heard the new Springsteen tune "Radio Nowhere"? talk about a total ripoff of the Tommy Tutone 867-5309! coincidence... I think not!

8:52 AM  
Blogger sAssY brOwn said...

doooood, that was funny.
we have the mennonites around here. The ladies wear patterned dresses with black knee socks & birkenstocks. suh-weet.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Fred Shero said...

Looks like a Tanquery(tm) and tonic with a twist of lime in that glass pilgrim.

5:04 PM  

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