None of the above. Fuck it, cut the cord.

From the Bozeman Daily Chronicle Police Reports:

* A woman told deputies someone entered her home through the floor and wrote on her furniture with invisible ink. The woman said she had pictures. The woman's husband told deputies he thinks his wife is crazy. A deputy planned on visiting the home.*

I have that same problem! It's becoming a freaking epidemic around here. We have crawl spaces out here, not proper basements, so you're less likely to go down there and look for evidence of the invisible ink writers.

Bastards.

And you should see what they write. Well, you can't. Only I can, because the signals I receive. Anyway, the bastards have written all over every square inch of my furniture. Do you have any idea how long it will take me to clean?

And it's not like I can just run out and buy invisible ink stain remover at Target. No, you can only get it over the internet... but first you have to make sure you have a secure connection. Very secure. If you know what I mean. I-hay am-yay eing-bay atched-way.

That's the last straw. I am going to send out a coded message to Dick Cheney and have this taken care of, once and for all. Even if it takes all the tin-foil in Albertson's.