Thursday, January 19, 2006

As heads is tails, just call me Lucifer cause I'm in need of some restraint
If you meet me have some courtesy, have some sympathy, and some taste

Thoughts that swirl around my cranium like dust bunnies.

Any one of them can spin my mind off into a different place.

Sometimes, it is a place filled with past memories.

Sometimes, it is a place filled with things that have not yet come to pass.

Sometimes, it is a place filled with things that will never come to pass.

If you allow it, nostalgia can drown you; the future can paralyze you; fantasies can overwhelm you. It isn't necesssarily a bad thing to fully inhabit your headspace, though. I think that people who do (fully inhabit their headspace) are often more interesting.

They generally are more interesting to converse with and they spend way less time worrying about what other people think.

My two best friends, Bells and T-Rex, and my wife all fit into this category. Coincidence? I think not.

It has taken a while, but my head is finally in a good place, so it isn't quite so dangerous in there. Oh, it used to be a fairly dark, disturbing place. But at least it has always been interesting.

It's weird, this whole "being happy" and "at peace" business.

It eliminates the whole fantasizing/thinking about the future aspect described above, simply because if you are happy now, and you know it, why waste that time thinking about what could or might happen later? It also eases some of the regret that comes with past memories.

You end up with a realization that you are doing exactly what you want to do, in a "macro" sense, which causes you to be aware of the moment, and when you are thusly aware, you are more in the moment.

In a "micro" sense, for example, of course I don't want to pick up dogshit right then, but once it is in the bag... I look up, see the mountains covered in snow, realize how lucky I am to have the time to take a walk with two of the best dogs in the world in a very beautiful place.

Even though that sounds totally Yoda, well, it is.

If it sounds like bullshit, well, it isn't.

Sometimes, when you get caught up in the day-to-day dogshit, you can lose sight of the big picture, but I am finding that happens less and less. You get slapped in the face with the big picture any time you look around in this valley.

The residual effects of the past ten years sometimes make for some comical reactions, though. It's as if your body doesn't know what to do with itself sometimes, and goes looking for stress.

For example, I filled the dogs' water bowl last night, and I filled it too full. When I was taking it out of the sink and putting it in its spot, a bunch of water splashed on the floor.

I cursed like Sam Kinison (may he rest in peace). Then, I laughed at myself.

Spilled water.

If that is the only thing I can find to get worked up about, I guess things are pretty damn good.