Thursday, April 20, 2006

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what are you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Since I broke my nordic trak (the top "T" section needs to be welded) a few weeks ago, and since the weather changed, I have been running steadily again. Living here, I just can't bring myself to join a gym and work out indoors.

I am past the point where it hurts, and I can cruise along for around six miles. I don't set a world-beating pace or anything, but being in 'running shape' is definitely different from being in 'snowboarding shape.' I'm getting there.

I used to crank my iPod to take my mind off what I was doing, but that's out for the time being.

The silence isn't so bad. In fact, I enjoy it. My mind wanders, and I look at the mountains, or watch the wildlife. The Harrier Hawks that dive-bombed me all last summer aren't around any more. There are three or four different hawks hanging around now. I'll have to look at a bird book to figure out their species. They are bigger than the Harrier Hawks and show no interest in dive bombing me... at least not yet.

I've become a more solitary person these days, in stark contrast to my life prior to moving. This isn't a bad thing or a good thing. Just different. I spend more time by myself than ever before, and I take comfort in solitude.

Take snowboarding, for instance. It used to be a social thing for me, and I always went with friends. We would wait, ski together, ride the lifts together. But this year, it has been different. Most of my days on the mountain were spent alone. And I liked it that way.

First, there have only been two people who I could tolerate riding with this season: Bells and McC. They could ride the same speed, the same lines, at the same level. Anyone else? Not so much. If I met up with someone, it was usually for a run or two, and then I would take off.

I carried a book to read at lunch, listened to my music all day, rode the chair solo, and didn't really talk to anyone. And I like it that way.

I stay home on Friday and Saturday nights (and every other night). I read. I write. I watch movies.

I don't really hang out with anyone except for India, unless we have guests in town.

I had a lot of "stuff" to work through when I moved, and I went through a period of decompression, so taking some time to myself was natural. I keep thinking this will change, though, and I will go back to my old, hyper-social ways. It hasn't happened, though.

Things just seem simpler now. And I like it that way.

By nature, I am fairly extroverted and outgoing. But as I settle deeper into this reclusive period of introspection, and become more and more comfortable with it, I wonder...

Indeed, I wonder.