Friday, June 09, 2006

Keep on trippin anywayyyyy

Hit the lottery.

What would you do?

That's half the fun of playing the lottery, isn't it?

By the way, today I heard from Husker, a recurring character at The Dude Abides.

He will be rolling through town next Thursday.

I absolutely love Husker and his family.

If you won the lottery and decided to go buy yourself a family, you'd point to Husker's family and say, "I'll take it."

Because I am pretty damn sure they are for sale.

I mean, I didn't ask or anything, but, shit, everybody is for sale, right?

I know I am.

You can purchase my ass for $ 675,000.

Cash money.

My ass is yours.

$ 675,000.

Think about it, ladies.

And well-groomed boys.

So... you're tellin' me there's a chance.


Three days.

I give you three days.

Then I will just put it on E-Bay.

Where you goin' with the mask I found?



I have to give a speech in a couple weeks.

About Love.

At a wedding.

UJ's wedding.

Fucking bastard.

He has some crazy notion that I am a writer.

So, he asked, "Will you read at my wedding?"

Of course, I'll read at your wedding.

"Well, will you write what you're gonna read?"

Yeah, sure.

I can do that.

I can do that.

There may be ...

There might be...

An opinion or two.


Promises are what I seemed to be
Only watch the time go by-y- y
All of these, are things you said to me

Only yesterday, you lied.

What can I do?

It's a rainy evening here in Bozeman.


Sippin' orange blossom breezes.

Doing what I must.

I did it.

It's done.

If you want to bring a friend, hold your breath, we'll drift away.


Pick a song and sing.

If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend.

I don't know if you were expecting me to drive faster, fly higher or lie some more.

Falling faster.

Time to take a ride.

Took way too long.

Too long.

Too much trippin and my soul's worn thin.

I don't know.

There may be a nugget in there.

Just look.

No conversation.




Who will pick up the pieces?

Because you know they are there.



Are you wondering?

Wondering what I will do this weekend?

Me, too.

I know it will be something.

Something good.

Something fun.

Something gorgeous.

Something that you never thought was right outside your door.

But it is.

And I wonder.

Oh, I wonder.

I wonder just how fucked up I am.

Oh, I know I'm fucked up.

I just wonder what is standard of deviation from the norm?

I will probably be the last to know.

Sell me down the river.

And I'll give you a story.

I promise it will be good.

I bet you are wondering where this is going.

It's gotta go somewhere, right?

No, it doesn't.

If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed

Rap critics they say he's "Money Cash Hoes"
I'm from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those?

If you grew up with holes in your zapatos
You'd be celebrating the minute you was havin' dough
I'm like, fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole
If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward

I got beef with radio if I don't play they show
They don't play my hits, well, I don't give a shit... SO
Rap mags try and use my black ass

So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers
I don't know what you take me as,
Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
I'm from rags to riches niggas, I ain't dumb

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
Hit me

The year's '94 and my trunk is raw
In the rear view mirror is the motherfuckin' law
I got two choices, y'all,
Pull over the car or (hmmm)

Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor
Now I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jay.

Plus I got a few dollars I can fight the case
So I...

Pull over to the side of the road

I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"

Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low?
Do I look like a mind reader, sir, I don't know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?

"Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo' "
"Liscense and registration and step out of the car"
"Are you carryin' a weapon on you, I know a lot of you are?"

I ain't steppin out of shit, all my papers legit.

"Well, do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?"

Well, my glove compartment is locked
So is the trunk in the back
And I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that

"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something'?
Somebody important or somethin'?"

Nah, I ain't pass the bar, but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit

"We'll see how smart you are when the K9 come"

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
Hit me

99 Problems but a bitch ain't one
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

99 Problems but a bitch ain't one

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
Hit me

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong arm a ho

This is not a ho in the sense of havin a pussy
But a pussy havin no God Damn sense, try and push me

I tried to ignore him and talk to the Lord
Pray for him, cause some fools just love to perform

You know the type, loud as a motor bike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight

The only thing that's gonna happen is I'ma get to clappin
He and his boys gon be yappin to the captain

And there I go trapped in the kit kat again
Back through the system with the riff raff again

Fiends on the floor scratchin again
Paparatzi's with they cameras snappin them

D.A. tried to give the nigga shaft again
Half-a-mil for bail cause I'm African

All because this fool was harrasin' them
Tryin to play the boy like he's saccarin

But ain't nothin sweet 'bout how I hold my gun
I got 99 problems but this bitch ain't one
Hit me

When the wind blows and the rain feels cold
With a head full of snow
With a head full of snow
In the window, there's a face you know

Don't the night pass slow
Don't the nights pass slow

I am not sure how many of you watch the Sopranos, but they opened and closed the show with one of my all-time favorite songs, Moonlight Mile, by the Rolling Stones.

The sound of strangers sending nothing to my mind
Just another mad mad day on the road
I am just living to be lying by your side
But I'm just about a moonlight mile on down the road

Made a rag pile of my shiny clothes
Gonna warm my bones
Gonna warm my bones
I got silence on my radio
Let the air waves flow
Let the air waves flow

Oh I'm sleeping under strange strange skies
Just another mad mad day on the road
My dreams is fading down the railway line
I'm just about a moonlight mile on down the road
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I'm hiding sister and I'm dreaming
I'm riding down your moonlight mile
I'm hiding baby and I'm dreaming
I'm riding down your moonlight mile
I'm riding down you moonlight mile

Last night, I went over to Bells' house.

We played some music.

Hmmm. What did we play?

Steal My Kisses (Ben Harper), Folsom Prison Blues (JC), Dead Flowers (Stones), Sympathy For the Devil (Stones), Not For You (Pearl Jam), Last Kiss (Pearl Jam), Plush (STP... for you, Jimmyboy... "this is a song called Plush"), Times Like These (Foo Fighters), Country Honk (Stones), Hide Your Love Away (Beatles, by way of Vedder), and, of course, the original composition, Circus Freak Whore (Sauer, Sauer, Militello & Bellcock).

We also did some freestylin'.

Look out, Jay Z.

Bells had a batch of homebrew ready, which was pretty damn good. He brews two batches at once, kegs them and has them on a CO2 tap in a dedicated frig in the garage.

Right behind the Carp Memorial Drum Set.

Speaking of our Heavy Metal Drummer.... Carp, if you are reading this... we could use some toms and another kick drum, and another electric guitar. My birthday is October 3rd.

I've been pretty shitty about updating this site lately.

I will endeavor to entertain my remaining 3 readers.