Friday, July 14, 2006

if you didn't care

what happened to me

and i didn't care

for you

we would zigzag our way

through the boredom and pain

occasionally glancing up through the rain

wondering which of the buggers to blame

and watching

for pigs on the wing.

The Courteous Vampire: Chapter One

Once there was a vampire.

He was a portly fellow.

Swarthy, with black, thick, curly hair, and a permanent five-o'-clock shadow.

Unfortunately, he had small, stubby wings.

He had consumed far too many creme-filled snack cakes while he was alive.

The vampire would have to beat his wings like a hummingbird to get even a foot off of the ground.

And even then, he could only hover, laboring greatly.

Thus, the vampire had to rely on other means to stalk his prey...




*knock knock*

"Excuse me, ma'am?

I hate to bother you at this hour...

But, do you happen to have a nine-year-old son,

and, if so,

may I converse with him briefly?"

If pressed, he would admit,

"Yes, I am indeed a vampire.

I only need a moment of your son's time.

And a very small bit of his blood.

A cup, at most."

She would nod slowly,

"Well, be quick.

Mason has a spelling test tomorrow."