Friday, January 20, 2006

Start spreadin' the news...

Go here.

Click videos.

Click "Bat Day."

You'll stick a finger up your ass and whistle "Dixie." Dat, I guarantee.

Drive through your suburbs, gimme your blues
Gimme your blue blue blues

I had a nice, long talk yesterday with my old law school buddy, Romano.

We hadn't spoken in a while, since before my big move, so it was great to catch up. He is doing fantastic and it was just like old times. Except we didn't get hammered and drive through any Parcoa Arms guarding any parking lots. Or try to drive to the Circle K and return with a cold twelve pack before the commercial break ended. Or [censored for content].

He got me caught up on what is going on with our law school friends. I kind of lost touch with everyone except Romano over the years, as they all stayed in California and climbed the Biglaw ladder, while I went back to small-town Wisconsin to practice law.

I only really liked a handful of people from law school, as most of the people were Class A Douchebags.

Nevertheless, it was good to hear about Whit, Stoney, Farrell, Jarrell and the Chairman. Those were the guys I liked, along with a few others. It is cool to hear that my old buddies are super-successful lawyers, and that some of them are even partners in the same firms. (I was sad to hear about my friend, The Chairman, though. Apparently, he has a degenerative disease that is slowly robbing him of his eyesight. Think good thoughts for him.)

I could tell some pretty good stories about each one of those guys, but I am not sure if the Statute of Limitations has expired...

It's not like we stuffed a dead hooker under a bed in a seedy Vegas motel, but still. Or did we? OK, OK, we found her there and she was already dead. We just moved her under the bed.

Anyway, congrats, guys, on all your successes, if you're reading this. (And I know some of you are...) I will probably be heading out to LA sometime after snowboarding season.

If you are ever so inclined, please contact Romano and give me a buzz or shoot me an email. My contact list got all jacked up when I left my firm, so I probably don't have updated information on you all.

It was really nice to hear about all of your lives.

Thanks, Romano.

Me and my girlfriend
Don't wear no shoes
Her nose is painted pepper...sunlight
She loves me
I mean it's serious
As serious as it can be

I wonder...

Has anyone ever actually laughed their balls off?

I mean, I have come close, and but for the grace of god and my scrotum, I would have lost them.

Perhaps I should stop using that phrase so lightly.

Although, I bet I could make a mint selling Laugh Your Ass Off! DVDs through infomercials. It would be hotter than 6 minute-abs with the middle-aged housewife demographic.

Just hire a stand-up to tell a bunch of jokes to a camera...

"Y'know, I lived in Mexico for a few years. I was in a horrific accident, as many of you know.

Yeah, yeah. I had a metal plate put in my head by a Mexican doctor.

Right before surgery, he said, 'Be careful...

Theees plate is very hot.'"


My ass!

It's gone!