Friday, August 12, 2005

I will move away from here. You won't be afraid of fear... Things have never been so swell. And I have never felt so well.

Glass cages house human lab rats, clicking and staring at the glowing boxes.

Shifting "1's" and "0's" and making the world go 'round. A butterfly flaps its wings in Indonesia, and a hurricane hits Fort Meyers. A trader wrinkles his nose at a fart, and a Californian goes broke.

Sometimes, there is a shudder of realization when one breaks free, with crazed and glazed wild eyes. But once free of the glucose i.v., the poor things don't last long. A bit like sea monkeys.

Nevertheless, an inevitable change in the weather manifests exponentially at altitude. It gets colder quicker. The sun sets in a hurry. When rain comes, it booms.

Cheap, tawdry tarts armed with blowguns fire darts at unsuspecting tourists. The police look for a white Subaru WRX to unlock the mystery.

A boy goes to a baseball tournament, and other boys sneak into his room while he is gone and piss in his soda bottle. He drinks it. He tells his mom. Mom calls the police. The police put it in the papers. Everyone is satisfied. Except the boy who drank the piss.

Non-linear non sequiters can indeed shake the rust off. Write two and call me in the morning.

I'm ahead, I'm a man. I'm the first mammal to wear pants. I'm at peace with my lust. I can kill because in God I trust.
It's evolution, baby.

I checked out a truck camper for sale. It was the kind that sits into the bed of a truck. A truck that I have not yet purchased. Oh, was it sweet. The best part was a panel on the outside that opens to reveal a propane barbecue grill that slides out on an arm.

Oh, the places I could go... the things I could do with that baby.

I have not watched a regular t.v. show in months. Not even the news. When I do watch, it is almost exclusively movies, although I did watch the Brewers lose to the Cardinals and the Red Sox beat the Rangers. I also watched one solitary play of the Packers-Chargers preseason game last night. It was all I needed to see, really. Chargers were at their own 5. Brees lofted a beautiful pass to a receiver streaking down the left sideline, all alone by ten yards, because Al Harris, the Packers' best cover man, had been badly beaten. The receiver dropped the pass, but it was all I needed to see to know it is going to be a long season. They'll be 10-6. Maybe 9-7.

What is the difference between a hotel and a motel?

A reader wrote and suggested I start an advice column on this website, entitled, WWJD (What Would Joe Do?) and sent me a funny first entry. I will post it later. I have been, um, busy. Feel free to send me any "Dear Abby"-type emails to, and I will post your letter with any identifying content edited, as well as a response advising you WWJD?

Antuan Randle El sent in his guest blog with some great pictures. I will put it up later tonight as soon as I am not so... busy?

Keep sending them in. This means you, Jimmyboy.

In case you were curious, the Harrier hawks are still alive and well over in the meadow. I run through their territory five or six times a week, and I see them nearly every time through. I yell before I get near them, so they don't dive-bomb too close to my head. Unfortunately, their territory is in the process of being converted into a 100 acre park, which includes two stocked, 2-acre fishing ponds, a network of trails, softball diamonds, tennis courts and a YMCA. While that will be wonderful for my property values, since this park will be across the street, it will not be so wonderful for the Harrier hawks. (Or the pair of Red-tailed Hawks, or the deer, or the ground squirrels.)

Fortunately for the hawks, Montana still has quite a bit of open space, so I am sure they will adapt and find a new home. I will sadly miss their dive-bombings and "KI-KI-KI-KI!" warning cries. I had never heard of the Northern Harrier Hawk before they began their daily attempts to claw out my eyes, feast on my soft parts and abscond with my scalp, and now I have researched and learned about their behavior, habitat and breeding... Quite an impressive animal.

It is going to be cloudy, rainy and cool this weekend. I feel bad for my sister's friend, who flew all the way here from LA to hike this weekend. India and I will take the opportunity to clean up the house, organize a few more things and hole up with some movies.

By the way, I purchased a new chair for the new house several months ago. I cannot believe that I haven't mentioned it until now. It is called the Perfect Chair, and it is indeed, perfect. I highly recommend this chair for anyone who enjoys sitting. It is also ideal for those who enjoy reclining in pure, unadulterated comfort.

They cost $1500, new. You can get an electric version if you like, but I bought the manual, which is no trouble at all, really. You can browse around the web for a refurbished one, which is what I did. You can find one around $ 900.

Believe me, you will not be disappointed. That is, if you like sitting. If you prefer standing and pacing while watching a movie, then this is not the chair for you. Dollar-for-dollar, this chair is as much of a technological marvel as my shower-shave mirror.