I've seen your pictureYour name in lights above itThis is your big debutIt's like a dream come true

I can only paint in broad brushstrokes. Metaphorically and literally. I simply can't put a fine point on it. See, I have always been a Big Picture guy. An idea man, if you will. (I'm an idea man, Chuck.)

My smoke alarms, which are wired into the house, started beeping in sequence. There are five. It took me a fifteen minutes of trying to isolate the random beeps, which were moving, to realize that they were beeping in order.

I cursed fluently and with a fervor that would make a whore blush.

Despite being plugged in, these goddamn things ALSO have batteries. Which I had to replace.

Not to mention, um, when the alarm first decided to announce, "HEY!! WE ARE ALL PLUGGED IN, BUT YOU NEED TO CHANGE OUR BATTERIES ANYWAY!! WE ARE GOING TO BEEP IN CIRCUIT, AND MAKE YOU WALK FROM ROOM TO ROOM, SWEARING LIKE A SAILOR, CERTAIN THAT THIS ONE JUST BEEPED ONLY TO HEAR A BEEP FROM THE OTHER ROOM!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL GO TO WAL MART AND GET FIVE (5) NINE VOLT BATTERIES AT 11:30 P.M. WHILE WE CONTINUE TO BEEP!"..... Well, when it first went off, I was in a bit of a compromising position, so to speak.

And when you are in that position, well, let's just say that random shrieks and beeps circling your house like a stadium doing the wave can potentially cause grave problems.

I pulled through, though, because I am a warrior. Sorry, The Warrior. Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang.

I could've been hurt though.

Seriously.

I smell a lawsuit.