She's a big teaserShe took me half the way there, nowTried to please herShe only played one night stands

My parents.

My parents.

What can I say?

There are some among you, dear readers, who have met my parents.

Those of you who have, know.

Those of you who know, know that my parents are pretty much the coolest parents on the planet.

The coolest.

I love them dearly.

As you may or may not have been able to tell (past present tense? trouble with this conjugating business) from the last post, I probably made things pretty damn difficult on them as a younger lad.

Rebelling against... what? I didn't really know.

Doesn't matter. I am on a tangent here.

Mom and Dad went to Italy. Dad is a hell of a photographer. (Dad also had knee surgery today. Get some all-new hinges, dad. Lube 'em up, and let's do some hiking.)

Here are a few of his pictures:








Ahhhhh, the Old Country.

Damn.

There is a HUGE part of me that wants to buy a one-way ticket, rent a little one-bedroom apartment half the way up that hill, buy a Vespa, gain 20 pounds and just... blend in.

Dad, get well.

Mom, I love you.

We are the sons of no one, bastards of young

Things about me:

1. I am smart. Not smart smart, or "intelligent," but more on the clever side. The unrealized-potential-wisecracking kind that drives teachers nuts. The kind of "smart" that gives the appearance of actual intelligence without delivering the complete package.

2. I do not excel at any one thing, except for maybe beating the system. Give me a system, be it educational, legal, financial, whatever, and give me a little time, and look out system. This is not necessarily an admirable trait. It is an organic love child of being "smart," as defined above, and too lazy to do the necessary work to go through the system in a straightforward manner.

3. Despite #2, I do several things well. Better than average, but not exceptional... just "well." That's me. Things I do "well," but not exceptionally: speak, write, read, stay fit, snowboard, recycle, socialize, spell, and maintain friendships.

4. I have a spotty memory. There is a lot I wish I could forget, and there is a lot I wish I could remember. Good with useless trivia, bad with names. By the way, memory is one of the key factors in elevating someone with an intuitive grasp of concepts from "clever" to smart-smart.

5. I am more "big picture" than "detail-oriented." I can handle details, when absolutely necessary, but I'd rather have a butler. You know, for details.

6. I have a subervsive streak a mile wide. I despise the following: The Man, the government, the mainstream, Top 40, network television, manicured lawns, fashion, country club culture, speed limits, minivans (sorry Will), structured play for children, people who don't read, labor unions, ignorance, and hypocrisy.

As noted 20th century poets, Rage Against the Machine put it:

I'll rip the mike
Rip the stage
Rip the system
I was born to rage against 'em!

(#2 and #6 are kissing cousins.)

7. I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can't deny.