And if you leave meI won't be late again, oh no

By popular request, this was my response to one of those chain mails that I habitually ignore:

1. What is your occupation?

Professional Killer

2. What color are your socks right now?

Purple.

3. What are you listening to right now?

Rebel Rebel by Rickie Lee Jones (cover of Bowie)

4. What was the last thing that you ate?

Lemon wedge.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

Hell yes.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

I would be the sharpener.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

Dan Ryan

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

No, I have always hated Molly. Bitch.

9. How old are you today?

56

10. Favorite drink?

The Goose.

11. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Luge.

12. Have you ever dyed your hair?

yes, blond. in 8th grade. Another time silver, but temporary. Please don't tell anyone.

13. Pets?

Yes. Doodlebug

15. Last movie you watched?

planet earth

16. Favorite Day of the year?

TODAY

17. What do you do to vent anger?

DWARF TOSSING

18. What was your favorite toy as a child?

the millenium falcon

19. What is your favorite, fall or spring?

winter

20. Hugs or kisses?

blowjobs

21. Cherry or Blueberry?

I'm your huckleberry

22. Do you want your friends to email you back?

No. Fuck 'em. I give and give and give, and what do they do?

Nothing.

Not a god damn thing.

23. Who is most likely to respond?

Really, fuck off.

24. Who is least likely to respond?

Jesus Christ

26. When was the last time you cried?

When Puck died.

27. What is on the floor of your closet?

gold bullion and the sweet smell of success.

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?

Chris Bellcock

29. Favorite smells?

ASS

30. Who inspires you?

AGAIN, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH JESUS CHRIST

31. What are you afraid of?

tOm crUise

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?

Will this ever end?

33. Favorite car/truck?

The General Lee

34. Favorite cat breed?


really. fuck off.


35. Number of keys on your key ring?

favorite cat breed?!


36. How many years at your current job?

May you spend eternity coaching retards synchronized swimming.

37. Favorite day of the week?

tuesday


38. How many states have you lived in?

4- Wisconsin, Massachusetts, California, Montana

Thst was grueling

If you'd like to walk a whileWe could waste the dayFollow me into the treesI will lead the way

Bring some change up to the bridge,



Bring some alcohol.



There we'll make our final wish,



Just before the fall.



Promise I will be forever yours,



Promise not to say another word.



Nevermind, what's done is done,



Always was a lucky one.



Watch the sunrise all alone,



Sitting on the tracks.



Hear the train come roaring in,



Never coming back.



Laying quiet in the grass,



Everything is still.



River stones and broken bones,



Scattered on the hill.



Promise I will be forever yours,



Promise not to say another word.



Nevermind whats done is done,



Always was a lucky one.



(Those are the lyrics to a Foo Fighters' song called, "Still." I'm not suicidal. How could I be? Look at my life, for chrissakes.)



What your are about to see is something that has never before been caught on film- a wild calico cat bringing down a fresh kill... behold:





























Here are some sexxxy pictures:





And the sexiest of the all... me and ac/dc:



Rock!