Thursday, November 17, 2005

I might like you better if we slept together. I might like you better if we slept together. There's something in your eyes that says, "Maybe."

A few odds and ends-

These are search terms that people used to find this blog in the last couple days:

Woman who snort coke and fuck

Perfect soul

Such a fool

Word on the street

Never mess with a sicilian

30,000 calories

Interesting. Especially the poor guy from Portugal who stumbled in here looking to party with some coke whores. (Incidentally, Google directed him to the "I'm afraid of Americans" post.)
An observation:

Now, I know I haven't been here nearly long enough to start acting all "I-am-a-high-and-mighty-local-where-the-fuck-did-all-these-Californians-come-from-and-Damn-Them-for-driving-up-real-estate-prices-and-making-me-a-millionaire." *cue Navin R. Johnson- "I DAMN THEE!"*

This is more of a Public Service Announcement. It's for your own good.

A lot of tourists do come through here, all year long. They come to go to Yellowstone and Grand Teton. They come to fly-fish. They come to hunt elk. They come to snowmobile. They come to ski. They come to experience "The Great Outdoors." Mind you, many of them never actually leave their automobiles, but, hey... I am glad they are experiencing it any way they can.

But I'm talking to you here, Mr. Tourist.

OK, Indiana Jones was cool. You know it. I know it. Even dogs know it.

The whip was cool. The way he shot that dude with the swords was cool... and his hat was cool.

But it's not cool on you.

Some people can rock the Indiana Jones hat and look cool with it. But that is a very small percentage of the population. Shit, I can't rock one, even though I wish to hell I could. I love Indiana Jones. I just can't rock it. I am more of a "fez" guy, really. In fact, I bet if Ashton wore one, he could make it cool. (My Ashton, not the 70's show cocktoaster. He'd look like even more of an ass than he does in the stupid fucking trucker hat.)

But you, sir, cannot rock it.

You know who you are. You have a pot belly. You're wearing a fanny pack. You're You're wearing chinos and loafers. You're strolling down Main St. in Bozeman, with your hands in your pockets, wearing an Indiana Jones hat. You're eyeing a sporty fly-fishing vest and thinking it is really going to put you over the top.

It's cool. I understand. You're on vacation. You rented the big SUV at the airport so you can survive the rugged interstate. You even requested brush guards on the taillights. You know, in case you back over a rose bush or something.

I can dig it; you're roughing it. You booked a room at a bed and breakfast instead of a hotel. You're living on the edge.

It's all good. Welcome. Have a great time. Just re-think the Indy hat, mmmkay?

Consider sporting a recreational mustache instead. I think the Magnum PI is going to make a huge comeback.